A Man and His Lawn

STAN HALES

The following are transcribed excerpts from handwritten notes found in the home of Bobby Deweese after the incident last Friday:

SUNDAY

I’m just going to write this stuff down for my own record so that once I figure out what’s going on, these notes will make every bit of sense like they should – especially if someone is messing with me. I’ll find out who it is.

I mowed the front yard yesterday evening, exactly the same way I do every time. I didn’t fertilize or do anything special to the grass. This was just to get ready for digging the trenches for the sprinkler lines today. When I saw the lawn this morning, it had grown back. The grass, I mean, like it had never been mowed. This is impossible. It has to be a prank that someone pulled, but I don’t know how they did it. Some damn growth spray? I looked around to see if the pranksters were anywhere near, waiting for my reaction, but no one else was in sight.

Today, I’m going to mow it again and dig the trenches. I’ve got all week to get the sprinkler system installed. No problem, right?

MONDAY

This morning I awoke to find that the goddamn trenches I dug had been filled in. Filled in with grass grown over them and no sign of any of the digging I had done. I couldn’t even find the loose dirt that the bastards used to fill them in with! They couldn’t have used mine because I hauled away all of the dirt I dug yesterday. But at least the grass still looked mowed. I didn’t hear anyone in the yard last night, so whoever it is was a quiet son of a bitch. While I was standing there, staring at the lawn, my neighbor Jack walked up and asked what happened to the trenches. I asked if he’d seen or heard anyone sneaking around the place. He said he didn’t, but that he would keep an eye out for me.

As we walked on the grass, we heard a low hissing sound and thought it must be a snake. Well, I heard it, but Jack says he didn’t. We both stopped moving and looked around and didn’t see a damn thing. After going back inside, I called the police to see if any kind of property damage investigation could be done. After hearing my story about the yard and how it ended up repaired and undamaged, they refused to come down and see for themselves since I had no proof and no true damage was evident.

So I grabbed my camera to go take a picture of the yard. When I got outside the grass had grown again. Instantly. To the height that it was before being mowed. I had been gone less than ten minutes and this happened. Less than ten minutes.

I took a picture, (mainly for proof that I wasn’t crazy), and went to try buying a security camera to monitor the yard overnight. They were way too expensive, so I’ve decided that I will mow the yard again and hammer some stakes into the lawn to see if they stay up tonight. I’m also going to sit out in the yard and watch the entire night.

TUESDAY

I stayed up all night in the yard and didn’t fall asleep for more than a minute or two at a time. By the time the sunlight was bright enough to see the grass, I simply couldn’t believe that it had happened again. The stakes were nowhere to be seen and the grass was tall as ever. I took another picture and now I’m sitting in the yard writing this note. I’ve been staring for a couple of hours now and haven’t slept yet. This is so goddamn frustrating. I think I’m going to start pulling up the grass by hand and keep watch again overnight.

WEDNESDAY

Last night, I fell asleep in the middle of the yard. It must have been after three in the morning when I passed out, but I awoke this morning to find myself tangled up in the weeds and grass, which were now so tall that they reached my waist. It was also full of grass burrs that poked and stabbed me with their spines as I fought to get out of the yard. I was so sleepy that I thought I might still be dreaming. I went inside and got the camera for another picture of the growth, then drove to the tool store. I almost got into a wreck on the way after I dozed off for a few seconds driving. I bought a machete and came back home. Now my allergies are going crazy and driving me mad. I’m going to take the blade out and hack at the yard, and then I’m going to dig up the grass with my shovel. All of it.

THURSDAY

Everything I did to the yard has been reversed again. Nothing stuck. All the grass is back. The weeds are back. I can almost hear them singing to me. I don’t know why. This is insane. I’m going to stay inside today and think of something…anything.

FRIDAY

I know what to do. I’m going to burn it. I’m going to burn it all away.

The following is an excerpt from an article in the local paper about the incident that occurred last Friday:

The man, identified as 53-year old Bobby Deweese, vanished into the 200-feet deep sinkhole instantly, according to one witness.

“Bobby was out in his yard pouring what I thought was chemical weed killer on his lawn; but then I saw him step back and light it up,” neighbor Jack Spence recalls. “The whole yard was ablaze and Bobby was just standing there, staring at it with a smile on his face. That’s when the ground opened up. He was gone in an instant. I still can’t believe what I saw.”

City and emergency service officials are still unsure of what caused the sinkhole collapse. “The diameter is so narrow and irregularly shaped. The overburden and bedrock beneath the ground around it show no signs of the displacement we would normally see in a sinkhole like this,” says geologist Kathy Choate. “It’s alarming.”

“He had been having major trouble with his lawn,” Spence says. “It’s like he had enough and just decided to open it up.”

Born in Fort Worth, TX, Stan Hales is a fiend for film and vintage pulp magazine covers, as well as creepy stories and Halloween. He also strongly believes that staying creative is key in life. Having spent quality time at Texas State in San Marcos, he now lives in Austin, TX with the ultimate goal of completing more writing and filmmaking projects.

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